The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of anxiety, hope, terror, and peace. Eloise had her 20 week ultrasound on the 28th of December, and they discovered a well defined mass on the back of her cerebellum. The doctor’s did their best to be both honest and upfront with us about their concerns as well as to keep us calm until we knew more information – there were, however, a lot of really terrifying options. This past Monday, after a week of crying in the nursery and vacillating between blind hope and blind fear, we headed to Riley Children’s Hospital for a fetal MRI. The radiologist came to talk with me directly following the procedure, and while they scared us by asking my mom to join me for the conversation, she relayed that while she had yet to do the final report, she did not see any evidence of a mass. Today, we got the official results that show a healthy baby – a healthy brain – and no mass. While we are overwhelmingly grateful, it has caused quite a bit of confusion for the physicians on our case. We had a follow up ultrasound and saw our feisty little girl wave her hello. They were able to locate the spot they had previously seen, but said that it was much less prominent and looked much less like a mass of any sort. They speculate that it could have been a strangely reacting cyst, or some other sort of mystery. We will continue to visit MFM for follow-up ultrasounds every 2-4 weeks, and Eloise will have a head ultrasound when she arrives to confirm that everything is ok.
To say we are relieve is an understatement. We are elated, grateful, and still a touch cautious. I am grateful for the chance to see our girl so frequently between now and her arrival, and I am grateful for the physicians who are all collaborating to keep us safe and well cared for. I am grateful for each little kick and flutter, that are getting much more noticeable (especially when I try to sleep) and every day that we have with her.
Most of all, I am so grateful for our village. We only told a few close friends and our parents when we heard the initial news because we did not really know what there would be to tell. This has been a difficult two weeks, but not a day went by without someone checking in on us or offering their love and support. Friends showed up for us in the hard and the vulnerable, and some even stepped into their own deep pain to join us in ours. God has been so present with us through each of these moments. We are more aware than ever just how loved and held we are.
Please continue to pray for us as we navigate uncertainty over this next four months. There was plenty of swirly concerns around my own health and birth history, and now we have another element to keep on our minds. We are soaking in each moment and each day with our dream-come-true daughter, the perfect completion to our little family.
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