Month: February 2018

“Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyway.” This quote by Glennon Doyle hangs in my cubicle at the hospital, just above my computer screen – so I see it about 80 times a day. I have been trying to embody this message in this new challenge of hospital chaplaincy. I’m focusing on claiming my pastoral authority and identity from the inside out – meaning, I know that I have worth and value and a purpose on the unit even if I get the side-eye from some folks along the way. I can handle the side-eye…I know that now.

Most of the time, when I come across a quote or a concept that sinks in like this it starts outside myself. I start to use the quote in conversation with others…to give encouragement, normalization, peace, and hope. It’s not until after I start to apply it in this space that I begin to internalize it and allow it to become part of my self-talk.

This one was a little different, however. I NEEDED this quote…because I am messy…and things are complicated…and I have chosen to show up. Sure, I have shared it with a few meaningful people because I find it helpful – but I have been really focused on applying it to myself.

Cut to this mornings insight – ugh – if I apply this to myself, if I use this to encourage others…I have to use it to find compassion for others too. If I am going to challenge myself and my loved ones to show up and be present even in the midst of their mess, I have to then be ok dealing with messy, present people in my own life. I need to see and value the showing up – even when my instinct is to see the mess. I need to acknowledge the courage and vulnerability in this act by the people who give me the side-eye, whose actions have hurt me in the past, and who were in positions of leadership or authority over me – even though they hadn’t gotten “perfect” yet.

I wish this wasn’t so, friends – but this is the reality I am sitting in this morning, and I wanted to share. It’s not that we don’t hold others accountable for their actions, or call into view the way in which others movement in the world causes us to feel – but it does mean that we need to dig down deep and find some compassion and grace and – I can’t believe I’m saying this – but move toward understanding rather than judgement. I am SO GUILTY of being the person who preaches “show up anyway” and then judges, side-eyes, and get’s annoyed by people showing up as their messy self when it affects me negatively.

Anyone out there feel me? Doesn’t it suck?

Move towards compassion and understanding, friends. Sometimes it will feel sucky, but I truly think the only way through this season is through it…

Photo by Jazmin Quaynor on Unsplash

I used to think that the most important thing was to make sure everyone around me felt good. Especially, that is, in regard to my own actions, movement, and existence. For me to cause anyone anything but joy, pride, and approval was absolutely intolerable. I like to make people feel good, and, as an empath, I have an uncanny ability to predict the way my movement in the world might evoke feelings in others. At it’s best, this has helped me to bring love and light to those around me, and at worst, it has been paralyzing and has caused me to develop a false self for the sake of those around me.

And then I learned something. I learned that it is vital for me – for us – as human beings to be seen and heard. It is one of our deepest needs. And dear ones, sometimes the truth of who we are will bring pain or fear to those around us. This why I, and so many others, build up this sense of self around the needs of those we love. But you know what…the world needs US – not the self we have curated to please the world. I believe that God created YOU in the divine image – and it is one of our sacred duties in life to discover who this “you” is.

Because as painful as it is to reconcile that you may be more than an agent of life and love…that sometimes you may be an agent of pain or fear or doubt for someone…it is more important to be seen. It is more important to be whole. It is more important to be the beautifully imperfect being you were created to be. It makes me sad to think that there may be people who spend their whole lives trying to be who they are supposed to be and, in turn, completely miss discovering who they actually are.

And, here is another sacred secret. When you allow space and grace for you to be yourself – whole and integrated – you make space for others to be who they are created be as well. It is much easier to accept others with their imperfections and rough edges when you learn to have grace for your own. If you spend all of your time and energy trying to be perfect…you will come to expect this same striving from everyone around you…and you will be disappointed. It may actually be your imperfections that bring light and healing to the world.

Love and grace to you right where you are today.

“You will be too much for some people. Those aren’t your people.” – Glennon Doyle

 

Photo by Rhendi Rukmana on Unsplash