There is a mercy that springs from a belief that all is right with the world. It is innocent and beautiful, but also naive and lacking in depth of experience and reality. Then there is another mercy – one that has seen pain, suffering and grief, but that also found the resiliency to live from a place of light right there in the midst. But there is also an in-between place, where the mercy of innocence dissipates. We enter into this space in different ways and times in our development – through a tragic loss, a spiritual wound, abuse, systemic oppression, or other types of suffering. Some of us walk through these waters as children, and others as adults, but the time comes for each of us to realize that it’s not “all good,” that the world is full of suffering and injustice in addition to all of her beauty and life. Those of us lucky enough to enter in as an adult may have an additional learning curve when we realize that not only has our rosy view of the world passed away, but that in an effort to delay our entrance into the suffering of the world, we have unwittingly contributed to it.
This middle space is uncomfortable and off-putting, but it is also a necessary part of the journey. It does, in fact, lead us to a more whole and true understanding of the world we all share, and without it we can’t find true compassion.
Surprisingly, however, it is tempting to set-up camp here (and this is where I start preaching to myself). We are filled with righteous indignation and somehow it feels good…almost addictive. It gives us the alluring impression that we are the “good” ones, the “right” ones, the heroes of the story. But isn’t this just a different flavor of that which we are struggling against? If we do build our nest here, the local materials we find and collect fill our space with thorns and brambles and poison ivy. We become more and more isolated in our anger, and we injure not just ourselves, but all those who dare to come near.
If we want to grow in connection, if we want to remain in a space in which we can engage with and make a difference in the world, we have to keep moving foward. We have to take the compassion we learned in the darkness and bring it into the light. We learn to let go of the indignation as a way of life and cling to mercy. The anger at injustice certainly has its place, and is an important tool to pick up in times where we need it, but it is never a sustainable home. Make your home in mercy and grace. Let it bathe your every action, breath, and gift – all of that which you offer out into the world. Pick up the anger when you need it and make intentional actions towards change and justice, and then lay it down again.
Light. Heavy. Light.
Keep moving, keep showing up, keep growing soft as well as strong.
Photo by Andrey Grinkevich on Unsplash
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