Mamas,
I know that sometimes you feel like you could explode with love for your children, and other times (sometimes a mere five minutes later) it seems if you don’t get out for a minute you might, yourself, combust. There is so much to do, so much to keep up with. We protect, we teach, we clean, we nourish, we form – and half the time these values overlap and conflict with each other. We have to make hard choices about discipline and grace, when to follow our kids around cleaning up messes and when to let it accumulate so they learn to clean up after themselves, when to engage and try to comfort and when to let their big emotions be just that – big.
I was a working mom for almost three years and have been a stay-at-home mom for two. Neither is easier – motherhood is hard and nuanced and beautiful no matter how you slice it (and no matter how green that other grass may seem).
There is so much that feels like “our job” with our kids. We want them to take good care of their bodies, their minds, their spirit. We want them to be kind and develop relationships and have the capacity for intimacy. We want them to challenge themselves and dream big – to find and go after their purpose and use their gifts.
Sometimes, though, mamas, we forget that their lives are not our own (or at least I do). There is only so much we can (and should) control. We get to control what kind of love we give. We get to control how they see their momma handle stress and hardship. We get to control how they see their momma overcome and press on in the face of obstacles. We get to control what they see their momma eat, how they see their momma treat her body, how they see their momma pursue her passions and balance her relationships. And most importantly…they get to see how their momma handles her own imperfection. They get to see that their momma doesn’t expect herself to do it all and do it all perfectly – which frees our littles up to believe the same about themselves…that they don’t have to do it all and be it all and get it all perfect.
It’s not our job to pre-smooth all of the bumps in the road so that our children never experience pain. It is not our job to make sure our children never make a mistake or fail. We get to love them and challenge them and give them a safe place to land. We get to give them a person with whom mistakes and failures are an expected and natural part of life – and that our love and regard for them does not waver in those times. And we will teach them this with our presence and with our love. We will teach them this through each of the hard moments we are blessed to have with them.
But mostly, mommas, we will teach them this by modeling…By not expecting ourselves to be perfect or without flaw. By apologizing and making amends when we cause harm. By not letting our fear of getting it wrong paralyze us from moving forward. By showing them the way we take time for self care and allow ourself space for our own big emotions. By showing them how we lean into our village and allow ourself to rely on our friends. We will teach them by living our lives well…and not by living their’s for them.
You’ve got this momma. Take care of you.
Photo by Jenna Christina on Unsplash
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